The Perfect Comeback Read online

  “What? It’s a valid conclusion. Though my bet was on a freak ball accident that somehow curbed your erectile abilities.”

  “God! Stop! My dick is fine,” I say a little too loudly and draw the unwanted attention of my clients gathering for my next cardio kickboxing class. A few women giggle at my outburst.

  “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.” He nods, a sympathetic frown taking over his lips, though his laughter threatens to take over with a smile.

  “Always a little brother.” I shake my head and it’s then he really does laugh.

  “So, tomorrow. You’ll be there? Bring the girl. Or guy. Whatever. I’m excited you can make it.”

  “Yeah, yeah. See you Sunday.” We hug and I pat his back once before he’s out the door and on the way to his office. Now I have to break the news to Mia. Or maybe I don’t. She’s already agreed to a date with me. I’ll pick her up and explain the entire sob story. Enlist her help at surviving a dinner at Nikki and Danny’s. Can’t be any worse than zombie apocalypse training, and she’s into that. Yeah. This will work out perfectly.

  “You want me to meet your brother?” she exclaims so loudly I think she might jump off my bike. We’re cruising through the mid-day traffic so I’m not going that fast. She’d probably still break an arm, though.

  I wait until we’re stopped at a traffic light before I continue. “I’m asking for your assistance. I can’t do this thing alone. I suck at parties. Small talk. Formalities.”

  “You have got yourself the wrong girl, Matt! I’m no good at that shit either.”

  Speeding ahead, I weave through the final two streets, pull to the curb, and park my bike in the empty space. “So, we’ll go down together. Sounds like fun.” I take off my helmet and she does the same standing beside my bike.

  Her hands go straight to her gorgeous hips. “Not one bit of this sounds like a good time.” Even though she’s pissed, she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.

  I slide her hand in mine and begin walking. I take it as a good sign she doesn’t pull away. That or she’s so wrapped up in her own head she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. Wracking my brain, I try to come up with something to sell this stupid party. “They stock craft beer and have a refrigerator just for wine.”

  “Okay, only one part of this sounds tolerable,” she grumbles.

  We march up the stairs to my brother’s brownstone and I stop to kiss the top of her head. “Thank you, Mia.”

  “I haven’t agreed! When is this stupid party, anyway? I might already have plans. To wash my hair.”

  I reach forward and knock at the door, a giant grin on my face. She’s gonna kill me but instead of being scared, it only makes me laugh under my breath. “Oh, but we’re already here.”

  “Wait, what? I thought this was your place!”

  The door swings open and Danny greets me with a smile. “Brother!” He steps outside and gives me a hug. “You came!” He sounds surprised and a sliver of guilt wedges its way inside. I hate that I’ve let him down enough that he second guesses my support for him.

  I return his embrace and then step back to loop my arm around Mia’s waist, thankful she doesn’t shove away. “Thanks for inviting us. Danny, this is Mia.”

  “Mia, it’s so nice to meet you. Come on in. We’re just watching the end of the game. Nikki’s still getting ready. Honestly, I’m not sure what women do for so long. She doesn’t look any less beautiful after two hours in the bathroom, but let’s keep that between us. Mia, you probably understand better than we can.”

  “Actually, I suck at being a girl. This right here took me fifteen minutes.” She motions down her body and I’m actually jealous when my brother looks because his jaw drops open.

  “Liar,” he says.

  “Swear to God.” She holds up one hand.

  “Sorcery, woman. Fucking sorcery.” Danny shakes his head and we follow his lead inside. We pass a group of twenty-somethings glued to the television. A few of them half-wave because we’ve met before, but their attention is centered on the football game. Danny glances back over his shoulder. “What can I get you two to drink? Mixed drinks, beer, pop?”

  Mia’s phone chimes from her back pocket, a song I’ve come to learn is the opener to The Wandering Dead. She’s so obsessed with the show that I had to sneak a few more episodes in this past week. I’m almost at the end of the first season. Of course I had no time to be doing so, but the damn show had me up until two every morning.

  She pulls her cell out and looks at the screen before lifting her gaze. “Sorry, I really need to take this. I’ll just step out front . . .”

  “Sure. Or there’s a balcony right out that way.” My brother points to the sliding door just beyond his living room.

  “Thanks.” Mia ducks her head, holds the cell to her ear, and strides over to the back doorway where her words are lost in the chorus of my brother and Nikki’s friends who shout at the TV.

  “Drinks?” Danny asks.

  I nod, following him the rest of the way to the kitchen. It’s been a few months since I’ve stopped by his place and only a week or so since Nikki moved in but I can already pick up on the added feminine touches. Most notably, those little potted plants found in every hipster restaurant now litter his kitchen countertop. I pick one up and tilt my head when he opens the fridge. “These are . . . cute?”

  “Shut up.” He chuckles. “They’re succulents. And you should probably set that down before Nikki finds you messing with it. Took her thirty minutes to arrange them on the counter. I know you want water, but what about Mia?” He tosses me a plastic bottle from the fridge.

  I set down the potted plant and catch the water before it hits me in the chest. “Beer, or wine I think. She’s not picky.”

  He nods, and pulls two bottles of Summer Shandy out before shutting the door. He hands one to me and twists the top off of his. “She’s gorgeous.”

  “Yeah, I know. And funny and smart.”

  “So, you two are exclusive then?”

  “Um, no, not really. I don’t think she’s seeing anyone else, and I’m not. But from what I can gather she’s not too keen on relationships.”

  “But I thought you said you were dating.”

  “We are.” I leave out the part about the bet. “It’s a long story, but we’ve been spending time together. We’ve got a few dates planned on the horizon.” Two after today to be exact, but again, even I know it sounds pitifully lame so I don’t mention the specifics.

  He shakes his head, eyebrows raised, with a grim smile on his lips “Bro. You need to lock that down.”

  “Lock it? I’m sorry, I don’t even know what that means.” I laugh but his expression doesn’t change. If anything, he appears more concerned.

  “Look, you have a short window of opportunity. If she’s into you and you feel the same, then you need to let her know. Wait too long and you’ll be outcast to the dreaded friend zone.”

  “Friend zone? That like the danger zone?”

  “Hell yeah, it is! You don’t want to be there. No love between the sheets in the friend zone. And it’s practically impossible to climb your way out. Ask most of my friends out there.” He tips his beer.

  “I believe you, Danny.”

  Danny shakes his head, clasps a hand on one of my shoulders, and his gaze is sober. “I want to see you happy, Matt. And not alone forever.”

  His concern is well meaning, but unnecessary. He doesn’t need to worry about me. “I’m good with being alone.”

  “Yeah, that’s what worries me.” He exhales loudly.

  “Hey, baby, can you start the barbeque?” Nikki turns the corner into the galley style kitchen. Her eyes widen and her painted pink lips widen with a smile. “Oh, hey, Matt. I’m so glad you made it.” She gives me a quick hug but with one drink in each hand I can’t quite reciprocate so it ends up feeling super awkward on my end.

  “I’ll go start the grill. Everything’s ready to go, baby.” Danny pulls her to his side and k
isses the top of her head.

  She wraps her arms around his waist and glances up adoringly. “You are the best, baby.” They continue to stare into each other’s eyes as if I weren’t standing right here. If they weren’t blocking the entry, I’d scoot right out of this kitchen. I’m glad they’re in love, but it’s uncomfortable to watch. Call me old fashioned, but some things are best left for behind closed doors. I’ve never been big on PDA and as they continue to mutter compliments between kissing, it only confirms my feelings on the topic haven’t changed.

  A throat clearing from behind finally separates their moment and Mia squeezes by the couple. I hold out the bottle of beer and she takes it from my hand with a smile. Her eyebrows lift just enough that she must find something amusing but of course she’s too polite to say it now.

  “Everything okay?” I ask and she rolls her eyes.

  “Fine. One of the beta teams found a problem with the torture chamber and now we’ve got to do a total rebuild.” She sighs, twists the top off her bottle, and takes a long pull.

  “Matt, please tell me your girl isn’t an actual ax murderer,” Danny says on a forced laugh.

  I shoot him a glare, because we just discussed the status of our relationship. “Oh, she’s not my—”

  Mia interrupts. “Only some days. Others I’m fighting zombies, or the Russian mob. Oh! I raced cars in the Indy 500 a few years ago . . . Really, you name it and I’ve done it all.” Mia’s lips pull up with her smug grin.

  “Badass. And a little scary.” Danny tips his drink at her. “How exactly . . .”

  “I’m a video game designer.”

  “Cool job. That explains a lot. I better go start the grill. I’ll be back.” Danny places a quick smooch on Nikki’s lips and bops out of the kitchen.

  Nikki’s gaze follows him out and I wrack my brain for something to say or ask her. I’m not great at small talk and I can already say with certainty we have nothing in common besides loving my brother. It isn’t until Mia bumps my hip with hers that I realize I haven’t introduced the two.

  “My bad. Sorry. Nikki, I’d like you to meet my friend. Mia, this is Danny’s girlfriend, Nikki.”

  Nikki takes a step forward and holds out her hand, but her attention is garnered by the cheers in the other room. “It’s so nice to meet you . . . I’m sorry, what was your name?”

  “Mia.”

  “Right, Mia. We’ve never met one of Matt’s girls. You must be extra special.” She giggles and it’s one of those really pitchy sounds.

  “Yeah. I’m sure—”

  “Sorry, I’ll be right back,” Nikki says and rushes out of the kitchen. “Jen! You made it!” She shouts and wraps some girl in a bear hug.

  Mia’s gaze flicks to mine and I feel I owe her an apology for making her endure the anguish that can only come from being the odd man out at a party of close friends. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”

  “What? Why? Are you embarrassed?” She says with what appears to be authentic hurt.

  “No!” I shout and when a few people from the other room glance our way I turn to block their view. Dipping my chin to her ear and lowering my voice so I won’t be overheard, I admit the truth. “I can’t stand parties like this. People like this. I’m sorry for dragging you along. It was selfish of me.”

  Her gaze lifts and the way we’re standing there’s not much space between us. In fact, if I were to drop my chin a little lower, it wouldn’t take more than two inches to reach her lips with mine. Fuck, it’s insane how much her mouth begs for me to do just that. How much my body pulses with the need. But I won’t.

  “Why?” she whispers, almost as if she’s scared to speak too loudly and break this magnetic pull between us. I lean that much closer, still not kissing her, but her eyes flutter shut and I can’t deny myself the pleasure of scraping my lips along the side of her cheek before I answer in her ear.

  “Because I’d rather spend time with you.”

  She sucks in a ragged breath and her exhale tickles my neck. Oh, how I wish I could claim her lips right now. Own them with demanding kisses and take her body in my arms. Prop her up on this counter so I could get even closer. But this isn’t my house and she isn’t mine.

  “Also, I think my brother’s girlfriend is a real bitch.”

  Laughter bubbles up from her belly, erupting around us and quashing the intense sexual tension that was brewing. I step back to give us both the space to breathe.

  “All right. Let’s get this over with.” She shakes her head, finishes the rest of her beer, and grabs another before setting her empty in the sink. Mia hooks her arm in mine and drags me toward the party.

  “Have I mentioned lately how much you’re saving my ass,” I say before we join the others.

  “We’ve already established you owe me big time. I expect date number three to make up for it.” It might be undue, but the warmest feeling spreads throughout my body that she’s already looking forward to our next date.

  We catch the end of the Bears taking a beating before Nikki calls everyone over to the dinner table and mutes the television to click on some soft background music. The table hosts a fall themed centerpiece and even the place settings are assigned with cards. Mia has the seat across from me, and while I like that I can see her, my brother’s friend Zeke sits to her left and won’t stop chatting her ear off. I also don’t love the way he continues to side eye the top of her breasts when she’s not looking. There’s an empty spot between Mia and Nikki and I wish I could take it. If it weren’t for my brother’s girlfriend, I would.

  “So Mia, what do you do?” Zeke leans a little closer.

  She sets down her bite of chicken to answer. “I’m a video game designer for EverSoft.”

  “Wow, that’s really cool.”

  “Isn’t it?” my brother says.

  Mia grins, a genuine smile now that the topic is something she’s passionate about. She looks between Zeke and Danny. “I love it. Are either of you into gaming?”

  “I used to play Madden on the regular, but that was before Nikki reformed me. She’s made me into a responsible adult.” He winks and Nikki beams, as if that’s an actual compliment or that playing games is only child’s play. Only he’s totally insulted Mia and what she does for a living.

  “A majority of the video game market is actually designed specifically to target adult users. I’m one of the leads on a game that’s one of the most anticipated releases in our over thirty demographic.” I have to give it to Mia, she holds back the snark but calls him out at the same time.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything rude. I guess what I meant is that since meeting Nikki, my extra-curriculars have changed so we can spend more time together.” He leans over and kisses Nikki’s cheek. “I love you, baby.”

  “I love you, baby,” she coos in response.

  Mia looks as though she’s about to barf all over the table at their exchange. The feeling’s mutual. I try to bring the conversation back to the group. “Mia’s really talented. She’s actually giving my website a total makeover. And helping me add in some new ideas for the business.”

  “That’s awesome. Can’t wait to see it when you’re done.” My brother nods with interest.

  “It’d already be up and running if I weren’t putting in such crazy hours at work. The project I was telling you about has a release scheduled late next month, just in time for the holiday shopping rush, so until it’s complete we’re working long days.”

  “What’s the game, maybe I’ve heard of it,” Zeke says.

  Mia laughs. “I hope so. We sure spend a ton on marketing. Project X.”

  “What? Wow! That’s huge.” Zeke exclaims and now the entire table has eyes on Mia.

  My brother’s eyes widen with recognition. “They did a feature about Project X in Maximum last month.”

  Nikki leans forward and purses her lips. “I’ve never heard of it before. What’s it about?”

  “Zombies, blowing stuff up, dynamic
and intuitive storylines, killer graphics. Everything I love.” Mia grins.

  “Sorry I’m late!” One of Nikki’s friends, one I swear I’ve seen before, slams the front door and rushes over to the table to hug my brother’s girlfriend. “Nikki! This place is amazing! My God! The hardwoods, the lighting, and in Uptown.” She continues to gush at an obnoxious volume. It’s rude, but she’s one of those people who doesn’t seem to mind or notice the rest of us in the room, or the fact she’s interrupting the conversation with her blabber. She whips her hair over one shoulder and smiles at my brother. “Hey, Dan!”

  Before he can speak, Nikki turns to her. “Did you eat?”

  “Not even hungry,” she answers and squeezes next to Mia on the bench seat. She turns to Nikki and runs through everything she’s accomplished since this morning, including an incredibly detailed account of why she’s no longer ordering soy milk with her lattes.

  It takes everything I have to not roll my eyes, and I can only hope Mia feels the same. I try to catch her eye and that’s when I notice how incredibly uncomfortable she appears. I want to ask her what’s wrong, or if she’s feeling okay, but I don’t want to call her out from across the table. I wait for her to lift her gaze, but instead she focuses on pushing pasta salad around her plate with her fork.

  “So, Mia . . . I assume you’re a Wandering Dead fan? What did you think of last season’s finale?” Another one of my brother’s friends, Marc, makes a gallant attempt to rein the conversation back to the group at large. Mia’s gaze finds his and they light up with interest.

  “But of course. And I can’t even tell you how pissed—”

  “Oh, my gosh!” Nikki interrupts, her bubbling laughter permeating her words. “Don’t you have those loser friends who dress up like zombies all the time and go to events and stuff? It’s like a cult for people obsessed with the show? Didn’t you go with them a few weeks ago, just to get on television?”

  My eyes widen because at first I think she’s talking to Mia, but it’s her friend who answers.